Detour #257: A Taste of Orkney, UK
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Tranquil, mysterious and packed with cracking driving roads Orkney is AWESOME IN ANY VEHICLE – EVEN a BROKEN ONE.
Setting off from our Clackmannanshire home in our then-new Audi S1 quattro, we headed towards Inverness via the A9, approximately 147 miles. Cruise control was set, and we had a bit of fun guessing the speed of drivers as they tempted fate, given the abundance of average speed cameras.
After some rest at an Inverness B&B, it was time to tackle the next 120 miles to John o’ Groats. Arriving at a set of temporary traffic lights just north of Inverness, a gear linkage in our S1 gave way, which meant fifth and sixth gear had signed out. We were left with a dilemma: turn back or soldier on, the latter being favoured as we’d already spent money on accommodation in both Inverness and Orkney.
From Helmsdale, roughly 1hr 30min north of Inverness, the A9 goes from straights and average speed cameras to tight bends and sweeping inclines; it’s hard making the decision between enjoying some dynamic driving or parking up at some of the many parking points to gawk at the vastness of the North Sea. Upon arrival at John o’ Groats, the S1 was packed onto a ferry and we set sail for Orkney, which is roughly a one-hour ride. Sailing up past the solitary Swona island, we arrived at St. Margaret’s Hope in South Orkney. My first impression: “Where are all the trees?!”. Orkney must be 99.9% farmland.
It may be arboreally-challenged but Orkney rewards with roads that’ll test your car’s damping and composure; around the next bend will be a cosmic loch of some kind, and if you take any random cut off, you’ll no doubt end up on some narrow neck of land filled with historic treasure troves.
Next stop was the Italian Chapel: a converted WWII Nissen hut. This meant taking the A961 over the Churchill Barriers, a must-stop to view the WWI blockship wrecks. Arriving at the Chapel, which resides on the tiny island of Lamb Holm, I called our recovery service to find out what help we could expect with our gear issue. The handler’s response was: “No worries, we’ll come get you!” Well, didn’t her response change, when she heard we were all the way up in Orkney — we were swiftly advised to call them when back on manageable territory.
Heading north towards our accommodation in Clouston, we came off the rather straight A961 and onto Old Finstown Road — a smooth stretch of tarmac filled with long bends, allowing you to batter on.
The Ring of Brodgar — a stone circle from around 2400BC — is positioned just off the single-track B9055. The water level from Loch of Harray sits incredibly close to the road, and the lack of passing points had us hoping that we didn’t end up in the water next to one of those wrecks.
Visibility is outstanding in most parts while driving the B9055 due to the previously mentioned lack of trees, but you’re guaranteed to meet a tractor at some point as they make up most of Orkney’s traffic. Following the B9055, we arrived at the prehistoric village of Scara Brae and then it was a short six-minute drive to the Orkney Brewery where my fiancée treated herself to a glass of my favourite Orkney Brewery ale — Dark Island. I sat there staring and salivating, like I had been traversing the Sahara — how cruel.
It’s so hard to describe the almost overwhelming vibe that Orkney possesses. It caters for a large variety of visitors. It’s tranquil and mysterious, it’s packed with folklore, and it has roads that’ll allow you to exploit your car’s ballet dancing skills. If swan lake isn’t your car’s thing, then don’t fret as you’ll have just as much fun in an old Land Rover — maybe just check that your recovery service works first.
Words &Photography Matthew MacConnell