Ice racing: the most fun you can have with your (many) clothes on
It’s minus 30 degrees centigrade, but I'm sweating profusely.
I'm driving a car with no roof at a speed that must boost the wind chill factor to a thoroughly frostbiting figure, and yet things continue to heat up inside the cockpit.
Arms are twirling, pedals pumping in an effort to keep my Mazda MX-5 pointed in approximately the right direction on a track carved into the snow on the surface of a frozen lake. Adding to the heat is the pressure of another 19 drivers in identical MX-5s all trying to get round the same circuit at the same time.
The venue is Kall Auto Lodge at Lake Kall near Ostersund, Sweden, a 130-metre deep, 40km-wide, man-made body of water that, during winter, freezes to a depth of 60cm. That may not sound much, but it's enough to support a fleet of cars barrelling along a twisty 4.5-km long track.
The circuit is normally open to paying guests who can drive or be driven in a variety of cars including Porsches and Audis. Of course, the only vehicles to be seen today are MX-5s. That's when you can see them at all. Get caught behind a slower car on the straight and it's like driving inside a freshly-shaken snow globe. The rear wheels of the car ahead kick up huge rooster tails of snow and ice as their skinny spiked tyres bite into the surface.
The teams are supposed to be made up from journalists, bloggers and TV types from the competing countries but a glance at the entry list reveals that some haven't quite entered into the spirit – I'm talking about you, Switzerland with your René Arnoux and you, Belgium, with your former F1 test driver Jeffrey Van Hooydonk.
Team UK is fielding two cars, and the closest we have to a ringer is Mazda's head of design Ikuo 'Speedy' Maeda. Back home in Japan he races a MKII MX-5, but “not as often as I'd like”, he confesses.
The event is split over two days with the first set aside for practice and qualifying. Such is the length of the track that the 20 minutes driving time allotted barely makes for four laps. After my first effort – and, with all that flaying of arms, it really is an effort – I'm grinning ear to ear, but disappointingly slow. There are some 45 corners to learn and I'm not sure I'll ever really know where I'm going, although it is clear that the I need to pop some bravery pills to make up time on the third gear straights where the car fishtails spectacularly.
Qualifying sees me get caught up with a rival who goes off in front of me and it's all I can do to avoid joining in. My best lap includes a full 360-degree spin so is some 30 seconds off the fastest lap. My worst involves being towed out of a snow bank by a Mazda BT-50.
The biggest shock of the day comes from Down Under, however. The Australian team, despite claiming to never have seen snow before, are fastest and go into race day as the surprise favourites.
The main event is to be a four hour endurance race, split into two to allow for refuelling. The team which has done the most laps at the end of it all will win. Simple.
It's a rolling start and, as 20 cars pass the start line, there's an impenetrable white cloud and a lot of noise. Over the next hour or so, and a melee of driver changes, the number six UK car somehow finds itself at the front of the field, while my car languishes in 15th spot – just one ahead of our start position.
My own shift goes well, with a few overtakes and only one embarrassing missed gear in front of the pit wall which allows the banana-liveried Belgian car to get passed.
By the time the cars are called in for refuelling our lead car is fourth and we're down in 18th spot.
Race two doesn't start well for the plucky Brits, with Mazda UK's managing director being punted off on the first lap and dropping to last place. For my second stint the track is now so churned up that it's like somebody is actually still shaking that snowglobe. Halfway through a corner, just when I think I've mastered the fine art of drifting I hit a rut and get thrown across the track. Yet somehow I stay on, and having plucked up a bit of courage I'm faster than I've ever been – despite the track itself being slower.
All too soon my laps are over, I've helped take us to 15th position where we stay until the chequered flag. The other UK car has made its way to a very creditable ninth place. Meanwhile, at the front it's been a race-long battle between the Australian and Russian teams, with the Russians eventually taking the flag.
Despite finishing a very long way from the podium it has been truly magnificent experience. Probably the most fun I've ever had behind the wheel of a car. If you ever get the chance, jump at it.