Detour #169: Going Rental at The 'Ring, Nürburgring, Germany
The inspiration for Dan Trent’s story sits somewhere on a spectrum between P.J. O’Rourke’s memorable assertion that “Nothing handles better than a rented car” and a more socially responsible way to share a petrolhead rite of passage with your kids.
Is there anything left to say about driving the Nürburgring? Indulge me an attempt and, should you feel inspired, get out there and do it yourself. Because the day may come when you won’t be able to any more.
Effectively that moment has come for Brits hoping to attend the legendary Touristenfahrten, where you could once arrive fresh from the ferry, stick a ticket in the machine and head out for a lap without so much as a comfort break. But the legal grey area once enabling us to live this dream is now firmly black and white, and even your mum’s insurance small print will likely list a once forgotten German forest toll road in its exclusions. Which is to say, don’t even think about ‘borrowing’ her Micra for an illicit weekend in the Eifel Mountains.
Saying that, there’s actually still nothing stopping you. Other than the fact you are, in all likelihood, completely uninsured. And, as happened on this visit, the Polizei will attend a multi-vehicle accident as they would on any other public road. Which could be sticky if your GSCE German isn’t up to discussing the third-party implications of rubbing paint with a Ferrari on the entry to the Karussell. Of course, if you’re lucky the crash will just involve you and the Armco but, like the blameless guy who once wiped out in front of me when his Porsche’s engine seized, that could still land you a five-figure bill just to finish the lap on the flatbed of shame.
The story in which O’Rourke made his famous assertion was a celebration of the kind of free-wheeling, consequence-free, four-wheeled hedonism it felt like our ‘Ring trips embodied back in the day. But even O’Rourke had to grow up. And, while the temptation to take the family round in our own vehicle for a taste of the good old days was strong, I decided to do the sensible thing.
Now, while the mainstream players like Hertz and the rest take a dim view of it (and are now wise to anyone stupid enough to try it) there are specialist rental companies out there ready to hire you any number of fast and exotic cars with the reassurance of proper cover. And the temptation to live that dream of a 911 GT3 on the Nordschleife will be huge. But, trust me, there’s more satisfaction driving a slow car fast round here than a fast one slowly. Because at 500 euros a lap, and with a deliberately intimidating five-figure excess cooling your boots, you’ll not enjoy the experience as much as I did in a far more reasonably priced Suzuki Swift Sport from Rent4Ring.
My goal here was to share my enduring passion for the place with my family. A lap for each of them, steak on a stone in the Pistenklause afterwards and then back to the ferry, hopefully with a few cool dad points logged for posterity. A rental Swift may not sound the stuff of Nürburgring legend. But by the time you’re strapping your seven-year-old daughter into a racing Recaro all thoughts of legendary bridge to gantry times are out the window anyway. And it turns out you can still tussle with BMW M3s and drown out the tyre squeal with the shrieks of your passengers, even with just 150 horsepower and half a clue which way the next corner is going.
With trackday spec Yokohamas, upgraded Endless brake pads and even a set of Ohlins dampers the Swift is the perfect tool for the job, the turbocharged thrum echoing round the stripped and caged interior, the engine giving you just enough to feel like you’re trying while the actual numbers on the speedo remain relatively modest. My two decades’ worth of track knowledge may have got a little rusty but on my first ‘vital sighting lap’ I still overtake more than I’m overtaken, and even my sceptical wife has cracked a reluctant grin. Meanwhile my nine-year-old son spends his lap in a weird dream state as his Gran Turismo and real worlds merge before his eyes, my initially nervous daughter grinning and gabbling away as we bag more overtakes and take Brünnchen’s ‘show off corner’ in a cacophony of horn parps, tyre squeal and contrived kerb rumble. Just to make it look like I’m really pushing.
It’s about the most expensive three laps I’ve done in my life. But also the most memorable. Oh, and if you feel tempted to test O’Rourke’s theory that “you can put the transmission into reverse while going forward at a faster rate in a rented car than any other kind” just be aware the rental guys have read the book too. And these days an ECU interrogation for over-revs is part of the post-loan inspection.
ROADBOOK
CLASS: Hot Lap
NAME: Nürburgring Nordschleife
ROUTE: Eifel Mountains
COUNTRY: Germany
DISTANCE: 13 miles
This classic route across France is a celebration of gallic guts and glory.